“My Daddy is My Favorite Pal…”

This post is going to be about the principles of fathering. The article I am using as the basis for this post is “‘Honor Thy Father’: Key Principles and Practices in Fathering”, by Sean E. Brotherson. (Hawkins, et al, pg. 140-150) In my last post I introduced you to my mother, who was my example on how to be a great mother. You might think this post is going to be all about my Dad. My father was a wonderful man who live the principles I am going to go over in this post, but the person I want to focus on is my husband, Lance, the father of my children. 

This is Lance. Lance is the oldest of five children who were raised without a father. When Lance was six years old, his father was killed in an accident when the car he was riding in was struck by a train. That’s not to say he didn’t have father figures around him, because he did. He simply didn’t have a father in his home on a daily basis setting an example for him of what fathering is. As I go through the principles of fathering that are taught in The Proclamation and the above-mentioned article, I am going to share with you how these principles have helped Lance become an excellent father, even though he grew up without one.

The Proclamation states, “By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families.” (¶ 7) From this statement, we learn three of the important principle of fathering – preside, provide, and protect. Brotherson adds two more principles in his article – partner and be present. While these aren’t specifically listed in The Proclamation, they are implied, and so are also important principle in fathering.

Let’s start with “preside.” As I understand, presiding in the home means that the father first responsibility is as a spiritual leader and guide in the home. Preside over doesn’t necessarily mean “rule over”. Presiding in “love and righteousness” means following the precepts taught in Doctrine and Covenants 121: 41-43, which states, “No power or influence can or ought to be maintained by virtue of the priesthood, only by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness an by love unfeigned; By kindness, and pure knowledge, which shall greatly enlarge the soul without hypocrisy, and without guile – Reproving betimes with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost; and then showing for afterward an increase of love toward him whom thou has reproved lest he esteem thee to be his enemy;”

Lance has always been a loving and kind father. He doesn’t get angry easily. If anything, he is a bit of a marshmallow. He has led us in family prayer, in Family Home Evening, in family counsels. He has been there to give blessing to heal, and blessing to encourage. He has shown our boys the importance of serving others by his example. He especially loves to serve his family. One of his favorite things to do for his family is make breakfast. He is a decent cook, and breakfast is his specialty. If anyone leaves this house in the morning with an empty belly, it is by choice.

( Lance and Dallin, our youngest, on the day Dallin was blessed.)

Now, on to “provide.” As stated in the Proclamation, providing is mainly about making sure family has the necessities of life – food, shelter, clothing, and love. Brotherson shares that “stewardship work involves creative, dedicated effort to provide resources for children and family and provided opportunities for children to develop and learn to care for their own and others’ physical and psychological needs.” (Hawkins, et al, pg. 146)

Lance has always been a good provider, both for physical needs and emotional and psychological needs. He has also taught our boys a skill that could be used as income for themselves. Lance has always done autobody work. Even though he has a good job at a research and development center for a major auto manufacturer, he has always done side jobs for people at home. From the time they are able to walk, our boys have always been able to be with him in the garage, helping and learning as they grew and were able to handle the work. Some of this learning was done on a smaller scale, shaping and decorating pinewood derby cars for Cub Scouts.

“Protecting” is also a part of fathering, and that is something Lance has always done is best to do for our family. In his article, Brotherson states, “For fathers a primary task involves welcoming children to the realm of family life and preparing them over time for the external world that they will have to navigate as they grow … The context of preparing a child for the outside world and instilling a child with needed skills and knowledge sets up yet another fundamental principle of fathering, to protect a child from harm and also equip him or her to both avoid and mange life challenges.” (Hawkins, et al., pg. 146) Lance has done his best to help our boys understand the dangers of the world, from tiny baby to adulthood. From exploring the physical world, to understanding spiritual dangers, he has taught by example and by mentoring them in the decisions they have made as they grew. Our oldest, who is married, still comes to his dad for advice and encouragement when he needs it.

“Partnering” is not mentioned as a direct responsibility of fathering like presiding, providing and protecting, but the Proclamation clearly states that “fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners.” (¶ 7) Brotherson shares that “research indicates that a healthy, satisfying marriage is a fathering ’force multiplier’ for men, which helps fathers to be more involved with their children, more confident in their parental skills, more satisfied in their paternal efforts, and more sensitive to the need of children.” (Hawkins, et al., pg. 143)

(image from http://www.quotesvalley.com/the-most-important-thing-a-father-can-do-for-his-children-is-to-love-their-mother-2/)

Lance and I have always been partners in parenting our children. We have worked together to provide them with a loving home where the gospel is taught. We have learned to work together to discipline, to encourage, to allow for learning and growth. Our boys know we love each other and support each other, just as we do them.

Last, but not least, is “being present”. Like I said earlier, Lance’s father was not present in his life from the age of six. When our first child was on the way, Lance shared with me his desire to be present in every stage and aspect of his children’s lives. He understood quite clearly what it was like to not have a “present” father, and he wanted different for his children. According to Brotherson, some of the consequences of not having a father around include lower academic achievement, great likelihood of behavior problems, using illegal substances, and engaging in sexual activity much younger. (Hawkins, et al., pg. 145) Lance and his siblings were able to avoid these consequences due to the fact that they were raised near extended family who provided the father figures they needed to teach them correct principles. However, he still felt the lack of a father.

From the time our children were newborn infants, Lance has been present. He decided that even thought I was nursing the boys, he would always be the one to bring them to me for night time feedings and then change their diapers before putting them back to bed. He bathed them, read to them, played with them, worked with them, helped with homework, comforted them, blessed them, and the list can go on and on. He hardly ever missed a parent-teacher conference, or extra-curricular activity. He has been with them through every step of Boy Scouts and learning and growing and participating in the Priesthood. He has been present. 

I want to share this last picture, because it pretty much sums up Lance’s relationship with his boys. When I look at this picture, I see love. I see a father who lives up to every expectation the Lord has for those who take on the responsibility of raising His spirit children during their time in mortality.